Like most anyone without a mother, I lost mine before I was ready. It was just a year and a half ago, but it feels like an eternity since I’ve been able to see her, walk with her, share good news with her, cry to her, or hear her voice on the phone. I was really lucky to have a great mother with a good heart and I miss her.
This time of year it is especially hard. Mothers’ Day…that’s obvious. Mom’s birthday is in May as well. Spring in general, brings Mom to mind. She loved being outside. She loved the sun.
All the yard work that needs done makes me think of Mom. The mowing, the weeding, the beautiful flowers in bloom all say Mom to me. I think of her each time I see or create a beautiful bouquet. I loved to take her fresh flowers.
The family room that needs painting, reminds me of Mom. She would grumble about it, but she loved to paint…loved having a fresh coat. She loved to change things, to make them nicer. She was continually rearranging furniture and cleaning.
She’s missed at the kids’ sporting events, graduations and pageants. I miss her heartfelt greeting cards at every single holiday or special occasion. She doesn’t come to our parties.
She’s not at my door with dinner leftovers anymore. She’ll make no more Thanksgiving dinners.
Soon we’ll have another Relay for Life without her. Sometimes it’s hard not to have a grudge against the American Cancer Society. I mean why the hell didn’t you save her for me!?!?! She was well worth saving, I promise you. Why did she have to be in so much pain? Why did she have to be humbled that way?
But this Mothers’ Day, I’m crawling out of the funk, that missing my momma creates for me at times. I’m not going to spend the day crying. I’m going to focus instead, on being the mom, my mother helped create. I’m going to be Wonder Momma and we’re going to have some fun!