I Love Walter Payton

I dreamed my baby pooped…again and again.  I was visiting and embarrassed at all the shit spots he made in this house.  It took a long time to clean up.  I thought some of the stains were probably not caused by my baby as we were never in those rooms…but it looked like it had to be me since it was obvious we were dealing with crap, so I didn’t dispute them.

I was in Florida for a non-Disney vacation.  Once again I needed to change my baby’s shitty diaper.  In an attempt to get out of the way and not offend anyone…I placed him on a small wall shelf in a wide hallway.  The shelf was narrow and looked a bit like a chalk tray.  Surprisingly, he fit fine and I changed his diaper while others looked over the hanging pieces of artwork.

After I finish…a very polite, extremely handsome black man cleans the shelf with disinfectant and a rag.  He’s smiles the entire time and doesn’t seem annoyed at all.  He’s dressed very nicely as are the people with him.  I don’t know who he is at first and don’t think anything of it.  Eventually, I figure out that he’s the artist displaying his work…and he’s Walter Payton!!!  OMG!  It’s Sweetness!!  I can’t believe I’m in his presence…that I have been all this time…and my gawd…I changed my baby’s shitty diaper right on his display.  ugh. 

What could be worse?  Well, I’ll tell you.  The older woman with Walter comes over to speak to me.  I’m now sitting on a raised bed or couch and her hand is at the end of this bed near my butt.  I feel a tug on my ass hairs and cringe that she’s mistakenly put her hands on my butt hair and is accidentally pulling on it.  I back away slightly to correct the embarrassing situation then realize the tug is coming from my best friend’s foot.  She’s behind me and I sat on her foot unknowingly.  A slightly less humiliating situation, but why the hell is my ass exposed?

I realize then, that I have my camera with me (my baby disappeared?) and what an opportunity this is for photographing!  Something to share with my virtual friends…and PLEASE…an avatar with me and Walter together?  I’d be the envy of EVERYONE!  But of course…my camera starts acting all fish-eyed and things are looking strange.  As I’m trying to get it adjusted…the artwork has been taken down…and Walter has left the building.

I catch up to my best friend.  I think I was visiting her mother and sisters before.  My friend has been vacationing in FL too.  She’s telling me about her plans for the following morning and it occurs to me that I’m leaving for home the next day.  I look around me and wonder if I should start packing.  Then I try to coordinate some time for us together.

We are walking around checking out the sights.  Lisa poses under a cool tree and places a seed pod or something on her head so I can take a picture.  I snap the shot.  She’s very thin and looks great.  The seed pod looks like a big fluffy brown wig with tiny lights on the tips.  It makes a nice photo.  My teen son, Kimeters is with us and walks ahead with my friend…as I try and get some photographs to take home.

Now I have to crap.  Kimeters and my best friend continue walking and I duck into a small building…the toilet is in the center of the room with a few fountains, tables and some mess.  There are a few people in there just hanging out, talking with each other.  The toilet is kind of high and I have to climb up on it.  I shit and wipe, but need something more than just toilet paper.  I grab a dirty paper plate, fill it with fresh water and dump it onto my crotch.  Then I take my hand and wash my butt off.  I’m pretty sure these people are disgusted but I do what I have to do and just get the heck out of there.

I don’t see my friend or my son anywhere, but instinctively walk towards some live music I hear ahead.  Yep!  They’re there.  I was worried they’d be harder to find…you know how dreams can be.  We’re now at a backyard party.  There are lots of people there, no one we know.  There’s a keg of beer.  The band is playing some East Indian music.  This isn’t that kind of crowd though, is it?  I pull out my camera again and attempt to take more photos.   Every time I try to frame a shot, something appears in the way and it’s no good.

The band stops and takes a break.  As they are walking off stage and down the driveway, I listen to their conversation and attempt to photograph a few of them.  They seem a bit arrogant which is inappropriate as their music wasn’t that good.  This will also be a nice story to share.  Photography still not working out though.

Then I notice all the jets overhead.  There’s quite a few of them and they are flying in formation.  Then another wave of jets.  This time there are many, many more of them…and they are towing large missiles.  I assume they are taking them somewhere to blast someone far away and hate how horrific the scenario will be.  Then I notice that the jets are flying extremely low, are very large and there are fuses on the missiles that are lit….close to exploding.

What a very good time to wake up.  Heart racing.

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